What you are is causeless, so no action in time and space can bring you to the Eternal Now. Those attempts to seek for those experiences will fail you again and again, untill you are able to simply witness the sense of separation coming back on the surface of Consciousness as just an habitual thought. That flickering on and off from seeing what we are/getting completly identified with the stories of the mind can be exausting, and can carry on for quite a long time.
When you firstly see what you are, Silence or Nothingness, this revelation appears as a window opening to the Reality of Being.
When the window opens up you see to be this Silence in which everything appears. All is suddenly shown in its clarity: you see that you yourself are the background of Life itself and all that appears is an experience that is manifesting from and as your Being.
At that point the mind is often absent or if it is present it is simply seen as an object that is just appearing in you, Silence. When the sense of separation, the ego concept, starts to show up again as an habit, the identifying with it happens as well and that window shuts down again.
If you have tasted the warmth of the sunbeams on your face, you will be miss it, and when the window is closed, you will believe that the Silence is lost. This belief brings you to seek again or better saying, the seeking starts from the nostalgia that you have of yourself, Silence. The seeking will become trying to have again that Silence, as if it is something that you, as a separate identity, had access to.
Very often what has happening in that moment, inner experiences like bliss or radiance, or external experiences, will be mistankly taken as the cause of that opening. Quite commonly the seeking is will be the trying to repeat those experiences, in the belief that if you do feel that way again or if you do that thing again, then you will be seeing again what you are.
Of course what you are is causeless, so no action in time and space can bring you to the Eternal Now. Those attempts to seek for those experiences will fail you again again, untill you are able to simply witness the sense of separation coming back on the surface of Consciousness as just an habitual thought. That flickering on and off from seeing what we are/getting completly identified with the stories of the mind can be exausting, and can carry on for quite a long time.
The flickering persists in the idea that any experience can define you, because you will try to avoid or to get attached to something that is simply showing up. The possibility to see that you are the still Silence that witness the flickering itself is the keypoint.
What you see infact is that the sense of separation is appearing in you and not you inside that sense of separation, that comes with all the mental stories and unresolved feelings that pertakes. In seeing the sense of separation or ego-concept as an idea, the window seems to open up again, and you see at that point that all there was all the time- and all there is – it is simply Openness.
You are the Openness in which the sense of separations appears, therefore there is no need for it to stop, it will show up again and again untill this is necessary.
The necessity of its appearance is for you to be able to winess consciously its contents and perceive fully those knotted feelings that comes with it.
You, as Openness, are born as a radiant being, but you get identified with all different vibrations in which the form is immersed. The anger of dad, the depression of mum, all the differents attitudes and patterns that compose the world around us and that end up to build an inner image of ourself.
That image is nothing but the composition of many energetic patterns with which this Openess gets identified through a process of imitation. When you wake up to what you are those images will surface, and it will be at that point our opportunity to experience them consciously so that can be dissolved.
This is not often a pleasant journey. Unfinished business rarely are pleasant, other wise we would have met them before!
The process of integration of a true awakening involves the ability to be able to stay present to those unresolved patterns without trying to avoid them or fix them.
In the welcoming of duality in the non duality of our Being, we start to integrate Life in this Openness, instead than using our spirituality to escape from Life. The mind pendulum becomes then in its oscillation an opportunity to root and ground this seeing in your everyday life.
The disappearance of old timelines of identities in the Now can be felt as something ruthless and scary, if you are still attached to the old way of seeing yourself . Literally what can be felt is like the wind of Life is blowing away all that we knew of ourselves. Yet this is the only way in which you can get clear: letting what is false to disappear to born again to Life as it is.
The journey is called your Life as it is.
Shakti Caterina Maggi